More traffic in Colombia- and narcissistic douches

Posted on July 12, 2013


To: Taylor
Re: Driver’s Ed

Hey T, glad to hear Driver’s Ed. Is going well. I know it’s tough to wait but you’ll have your license soon. A lot of the roads here don’t have painted lines or soft shoulders and i swear it affects everything people do when driving or even walking. People drive like idiots, I’m glad you’re taking your test back home.

To: Jonesie
Re: Motherfucker……sorry, my bad- I know your wife reads your emails……bitch

I hate to always Skype you to vent so this time I’ll write and you can delete it halfway through when you’re sick of me bitching.

Today the old lady and I leave the apartment. Not a big deal, but she’s capable of running late so if the guy at the gate is dicking around she gets fidgety. We waited the requisite five minutes for the minimum wage dude to stop touching himself long enough to come out of the little guard house. He takes our placard which proves we live here and checks the trunk as usual. For what??? I have no fucking idea. When you go to a shopping mall they check your trunk when you enter with a dog for bombs. So if that what he’s doing, I guess he wants to make sure we don’t LEAVE the complex with a pipe bomb or something. Supersmart. I have no idea… they think we’re stealing a palm tree or something??? I don’t get it, especially since they don’t check the truck when we fucking enter!

Sometime in the eight minutes is takes the guy to shuffle out, take our placard, and peep out the trunk, a cabbie pulls up to the same gate where we’re waiting to leave. The gate is already open so it should be clear to anyone outside that someone (goddamnit, me) is leaving. He aggressively approaches and starts to enter rather then yield or back up, even though we were there first by a longshot and as in with elevators, shouldn’t everyone allow people to leave before entering, just for logistical purposes???. Not that anyone here actually waits for elevator inhabitants to exit before others occupy it again.

I actually wanted to get out and tell him to back up or he could run me over, but calmer heads prevailed. First off, if you just never know who you’re talking to in the good ‘ole US of A, then that’s exponentially true here. Best case, my girlfriend could wake up with slashed tires on her new car. (If this happens, I’m definitely gonna blame the neighborhood kids).

I’ve said it a million times before, but every belief I have, either social or political can be deglazed down to whether or not it affects me. Nothing more. You wanna marry a guy, smoke crack, and abort a fetus? Fucking fine. But you can’t make me watch you fuck, blow smoke in my face, or go fetch the coat hanger. And if you do, you’re infringing upon my rights and affecting my day and that means you’re an asshole. All of that is harsh (coat hanger? ouch.) but sorry, it’s true.

This guy is a fucking (I really try not to use his word often but….)…..cunt, right? Really pisses me off. For the first year I shrugged shoulders and chalked it up to cultural differences. But there’s gotta be some ultimate truths which transcend borders and this guy, and guys like him are narcissistic cunts.