Don’t worry, I’m perfectly safe- and I still think something is the fuck up with this DEA agent

Posted on June 28, 2013

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To: Macie
Re: re: don’t worry sweetie!

Hey kiddo, yes your Mom is right they may have caught the guys who murdered the police-guy here in Bogota. But remember, they’re not guilty just yet. But if they are the guys who did it I hope they get in as much trouble as possible. And please tell everyone not to worry, I’m very safe.

To: Mousey
Re: TGIFuckingDangerousIGuess

What’s up Holmes? Yeah, that’s the place we watched the Pats game at. Nothing good happens in any ‘corporate’ restaurant, especially in Bogota I guess. But what were we gonna do? Not watch the Pats AFC Championship game?

They clipped six…….SIX guys for this and then set two of them free. You know something else had to have happened, I mean even Aaron Hernandez didn’t need as many people (bad joke, that one still hurts, especially with Gronk all ding’d up). I guess it’s possible that they just picked up everyone they thought may have had something to do with it before sifting through them to find the true guilty guys, but come on…..even four guys? For a millionaire’s ride at most, simple cash and cell phone grab at least? And they happen to get one of maybe a half dozen gringos in Parque 93? And he happens to work for the DEA? Nope, not buying it.

I keep telling everyone back home that it’s terrible (and it obviously is) and leave out the fact that I’m there or through there just about weekly. Plus it’s probably one of the nicest areas in all of fucking Colombia. They’d love to find out that my neighborhood is probably two stratas1 from that one- I’m not sure Nanna’s imaginations would do the mental legwork to suss out that thugs are more likely to look for victims there because they’re more likely to have cash and iPhones.

Anyway, talk to you soon, we’re clearly gonna need to bid on another tight end for fantasy. Take ‘er easy.

1- there are six ‘stratas’ or calibers of neighborhoods in Bogota, which directly indicate upkeep and safety and indirectly indicate cost of living and just about everything else when stereotyping a neighborhood. Interestingly, the lower stratas have utilities subsidized by the higher stratas so they don’t pay as much. Parque 93 has to be a strata five or six and if not, it’s under-classified.

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