DEA agent killed in Colombia- and the buttfucking of tourism here….again

Posted on June 25, 2013

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To: Macie
Re: Don’t worry sweetie!

Hi princess, I’m fine, please tell everyone not to worry about me. Yes, an American was killed in my city, but I don’t live very close. It’s actually a very nice neighborhood but stuff like that is why I always call for a taxi and don’t get one in the street. No I did’t know him but I’m definitely familiar with that area.

To: Smitty
Re: DEA agent

Yeah, that was bad news man. I actually thought it’d be a bigger story stateside but I haven’t really seen nearly as much as I expected. They just captured four people, which sounds a little high for a simple robbery. Something’s up, I just don’t know what. If news in the US is always spun, it’s out and out misinformation down here a lot of times.

They call that a ‘millionaire’s ride’ here. They usually jack a cell phone and wallet and sometimes even take you to every fucking ATM machine they can at knife or gunpoint and have you take out the max at each Spot. That’s why you really should call for a cab. That way the cab company has a record of your call and the taxi’s ID number so everything is kosher. I’ve definitely gotten in the habit of taking cabs in the street, which I shouldn’t. But now, there’s a new app that lets you request a taxi and they shoot you the code you need for them to take you, so there’s not much reason to hail a taxi in the street if you have an iPhone.

Still, like I said- something’s up. Maybe it’s not much, but at the very least he put up a fight and shit went south real fucking quick. At the most, given that he was a DEA agent, it was an assassination attempt. Those sort of robberies are usually a two man job. One guy driving and another hiding in the front passenger seat or less commonly two cabs, two drivers like they’re saying it went down. But if it was a simple robbery, why did they arrest four fucking people? You telling me there was a driver and a passenger in each taxi? Doesn’t make sense to me……that’s a few too many swinging dicks for a straight up robbery. They’re typically only after cash and a cell phone., there s not much reason (other then he fought or it was a hit) to stick some poor guy. And some or all of them have nicknames. I don’t think it’s real common for some shitty stick up dude to be known as ‘the fat man.’ Sounds more like some underworld type shit when you get into nicknames.

Anyway, I know this is gonna make the wife put Colombia on the no-fly list for you for another six months or so…..don’t sweat it, I get it. Every fucking time I get close to having someone visit something pops up just enough to refresh the Escobarish images in people’s heads and Colombia eats another dick. Last time you were about to book a flight, a bunch of Secret Service agents decided to start banging hookers and then tell them to blast off when they had to overpay the piper. It’s terrible news and definitely a black mark, but tell her they kill people in Detroit too. Hope all is well take care buddy.

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