Pics of the Dog- and Free- Swinging Nutsacks

Posted on June 13, 2013

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To: Grammy
Re: Bruno the dog

Hi Grammy, I’m glad you and Grandpa liked the pictures of Bruno. I guess he’s not a puppy anymore, he’s seven years old! He can be difficult at times, but truthfully I like having him around. He barks a lot like Misty used to and isn’t nearly as peaceful as Teddy, but he’s not too bad. I’ll send you some more pictures soon! Say Hi to Grandpa, love you guys!

To: Jones
Re: Nuts

I’ve never seen so many fucking ballbags in all my life. Remember in elementary school when you’d stay home sick from school and chill on the couch all day with an afghan watching The Price is Right? I only saw the show when I was home sick so I didn’t catch it all that much but I think Bob Barker always used to sign off saying, ‘remember to have your pets spade or neutered.’ Well let’s just say that ain’t nobody here never heard of no Bob Barker.

There’s fucking testicles everywhere. I guess Colombians either don’t believe in neutering or just don’t frigging do it. I’m consistently haunted by the image of my girlfriend’s dog Bruno hopping on the bed and twirling around to get comfy enough to sit down with his balls rocking all over the place. He’s a bow-legged little fuck so when he waddles away you just see his balls shaking in rhythm with his hind legs.

I suppose that’s not that big a deal but it can be a bitch to walk him because all he wants to do (obviously) is fuck. Guy dog, girl dog, big dog, small dog- doesn’t make any difference, he just wants to get on it. And a lot of the owners aren’t real guarded about their dogs either. I don’t know if there’s no leash law here or people are just comfortable letting their dogs run around free because we’re in an apartment complex. I only give him one yank to get away from the other poodle or whatever and then I pretty much let him go to town- seeing Bruno as a top and their dog as a bottom usually gets the other owner to shape up and pay closer attention. I think I’ve even drifted off for a nap a couple of times only to wake up with him trying to make a run at my earhole. The thing is horny, what’re you gonna do?

The dog also barks like a sonofabitch every time someone knocks at the door or comes in. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. If you were to walk through the door, he’d bark his head off like an asshole. Then if you left and came back 30 seconds later, he’d do the same fucking thing. Doorbell? Same thing. People making too much noise in the hall? You know it. Pet him the wrong way? You betcha. After witnessing this for months and months, it finally hit me…..he’s such a little whiny bitch because he hasn’t been laid in 49 years! And since he was never fixed I guess he really does have blue balls. Poor guy.

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Posted in: dogs, lifestyle