Crippling back pain- and Thank Christ Vicodin is over the counter

Posted on June 6, 2013


To: Macie
Re: re: which side of the road does Colombia drive?

Hi Kiddo,

Thanks for another email honey, I really like reading them and your spelling is so good now. You must be getting older! People here drive on the right side of the toad like we do back home. But you’re right, most of the cars are smaller like you’re reading about in Europe. All the taxis have four doors, but they’re barely big enough, they’re smaller then a lot of cars we have with only two doors.

To: Meyers
Re: my back is frigging killing me

We’re having our kitchen redone which, given the lackadaisical Colombian sense of a fucking clock, is a nightmare. We’ve gone through six goddamned vendors just to find some dickheads who would actually come to work and not just tell us ‘yes, yes, yes, yes’ before no-showing (not six, hahaha- six fuckingforreals. Six of these assholes). And naturally, everything is done half-assed so even though they’re being paid to do a job, WE (that means me) have to lug all the shit up five flights of stairs. Only then can they be so bothered as to actually install it. Super.

Today, two more boxes of little cunty tiles arrived so I went downstairs to bring them up, so maybe these cats can finish a five square foot kitchen in under two weeks. No joke- this shit is heavy. It may only look like a couple of shoeboxes, but it weighs a ton.

I arrived on the third floor head on with a little kid and her duece-and-a-half pound nanna while carrying the second box. We were eyeball to eyeball so naturally the dumb fucks went to their left because I guess we’re in fucking London. I, as a sensical thinking person, initially headed right until i thought I was gonna dome the little kid with the stupid box and get deported. So I swerved violently left and threw out my back, barely managing to save the box from falling down three flights of stairs. I cursed and motherfucked them, but it was all in English so they neither understood nor realized just how stupid they were.

I’m writing this in bed and no one will leave me the fuck alone because nobody here understands that some people don’t need attention and just wanna be left the hell alone. And all this happens the day I started my super aggressive workout regime of walking at least two blocks every day, whether I need it or not. I’m gonna be the fat kid at the pool in a t-shirt in no time. And if I ever see either of those twats again I’m gonna box their fucking ears. Thank Christ Vicodin is over the counter here. I may just mainline it if this bullshit keeps up.