Vendors selling in the street- and what I’d like to do to some of these dicks

Posted on May 31, 2013


To: Macie
Re: Stores in Colombia

Hey Kiddo! yes, the stores here are pretty much the same as they are near you. There’s probably more ‘superstores’ like that big Wal-Mart near Nanna’s house though. There’s also a lot of little places on almost every corner selling gum, snack or cigarettes (never for you!). Some of them even come right up to your car if you’re driving!

To: DinkDog
Re: I’m gonna pay a cabbie an extra couple buck to run someone down the next time this happens

What’s up man? Yeah, things are still going real good in BogotaI can’t complain. Although I’m back home an hour late thanks to one of these little hustlers they have here. Basically, here’s what happened. Traffic is a bitch in Bogota. It’s not as bad as Los Angeles or Atlanta, but it sure isn’t good. There’s so much traffic sometimes that the vendors go right up to the cars. I don’t mind the street performers who come out while there’s a read light. Lights here last a long time so there’s actually plenty of time for some dickhead mime to toss a bike up and balance it on his beak for a couple beats before walking the dotted white lines looking for a couple hundred pesos.

I don’t mind those guys- they don’t bother anyone and even entertain you for free or a nickel, if you’re so inclined. It’s the other guys……they bother me. It comes down to this- every political belief or inclination I’ve ever had can be boiled down to one quote, I think by Jefferson. ‘One man’s rights end where another’s begins.’ I probably fucking butchered that, but you should get the gist. it’s the knuckleheads that get in my way that piss me off.

Today, while stuck at a red light, one of those little punks comes running in between two lines of cars. Usually those with gum or candy don’t put shit on your car, they just make eye contact so they’re sure you know they’re selling stuff. Those guys are okay too- they’ve walked in enough traffic that they don’t get in the way. But these other assholes…….usually they have something like a necklace, knock-off movies (only a buck apiece) or a coloring book, all of which probably fell off the back of a truck somewhere. Anyway, these assholes are so brazen that they’ll leave the fucking thing on your side-view mirror, tucked into your window, or worse yet, on your fucking windshield. This kid today wedged a coloring book into the window. He, like most, did this at a jogger’s pace so as to put this piece of shit on as many vehicles as possible. Then when he knows that so much time had elapsed, he can haul ass back to the front of the line of cars, and haul ass again back to pick them up from all the slobs waiting in traffic who were supposedly checking them out. I have no earthly idea whatthefuck these clowns do if, God forbid, more then one person is actually going to purchase this shit- they probably have to swipe at all the other car windows to get their shit back as everyone races off.

So this kid shoehorns the book in the window, but apparently he was a little wet between the ears because he low-balled how much time it would take to pick them back up after everyone subliminally tells him to fuck off by leaving the book in the window. My taxi was already moving by the time the kid came to pick it up. Instead of tossing the thing on the ground where it belongs, the driver actually stopped and waited for him. Bear in mind that for the 30 minutes prior the driver did nothing but scratch and claw to gain every inch (‘squze me….fucking centimeter) he possible could to make better time. Now to me, this kid was infringing on my existence. I.e., his rights didn’t end where mine began. If he didn’t bother me or infringe upon what I’m doing, I’d be fine with it. But this kid fucked with my world so it pissed me off. I swear, if I were driving I’d roll down the window, throw the fucking book on the ground, and speed off as I stick my arm out the window to give him a forearm shiver as I beat feat outta dodge. Fuck him if he’s only 11- then get out of the fucking street.